Will you kindly step over here a moment?
I can't. I'm busy polishing the firehouse.
You've got this firehouse polished up now so you're endangering the lives of the men. You almost killed Fred Simpkins the other day. He couldn't get a grip on the pole.
Ho, ho, ho! That's marvelous! He's sorry. Ha, ha, ha. Come here!
Would you kindly explain to me, in heaven's name, what you possibly had in that brain of yours at that three alarm fire yesterday afternoon?
What's the matter? I was the first one to the top of the house.
Oh, ho, ho. Isn't that marvelous! He was the first one to the top of the house. That makes everything right. Will you kindly tell me in heavens name why, when you were carrying that old lady down from the third floor, why, in front of all those people you dropped her from the second?
Well, to tell you the truth the old lady was laughing and scratchin' like a school girl and hadn't had a bath for six months and she annoyed me and I got mad and dropped her.
Isn't that marvelous! He got mad and dropped her! Do you realize you set the fire department back thirty-five years with that one move.
You'll be sorrier than that before I get through. I'm going to see The Chief.
From Lord Buckley: Blowing His Mind (and yours too), World Pacific, 1966. Re-released by Demon Verbals, 1985
Transcribed by EARL RIVERS
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